Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway!

“Behind every flinch is a fear or an anxiety – sometimes rational, sometimes not. Without the fear, there is no flinch. But wiping out the fear isn’t what’s important – facing it is.”  - Julien Smith, The Flinch

I’m wondering if some of you have ever been like me venturing through the dark forest much like the cast of characters in the Wizard of Oz.  I always think about this particular song in the movie “Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My”, when doing something new in my business because there are some scary roads in business we must take. Before the cast starts singing “Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh my” Dorothy says, “I don’t like this forest it’s dark and creepy”.  I find myself saying, I don’t like doing this in my business, because it’s scary and creepy and mostly very uncomfortable.

 So you are probably wondering where on earth am I going with this.  Hang in there because I have learned a positive lesson about this same fear that got the cast all tangled up in this movie.  This is my lesson learned  on feeling fear and doing it anyway!

One of the things lately that I needed to do is write a free offer with a set of auto-responders because I did not like the ones currently on my website.   Now I had the good intentions of doing this and I even put this on my goals list but it wasn’t getting done. It reminds me of another song line that says “the road I’ve traveled on is paved with good intentions”.  Good intentions are one thing, doing the intentions is a whole other thing.  Recently, I guess I was feeling much like Dorothy and the Scarecrow and the Tin Man and poor unsuspecting Toto!  The cast took Dorothy’s line of, “this forest is dark and creepy”  and conjured up all these fears of Lions and Tigers and Bears!  What do you conjure up in your head on the road to getting important things done in your business?  I know that I always tend to conjure up in my head, “What if I fail”?  ”What if it’s not good enough”?  I could go on in on with the “what ifs” that haunt me but I will spare you!

So what happens next is this lion jumps out and scares them but it turns out he was not such a scary lion because he had no courage.  But the real turning point was as the cast kept moving forward to meet the wizard, Dorothy stood up to the lion among other obstacles.   My lesson was around doing the writing for this free offer with auto-responders and standing up to my worst fears I had around failing miserably and not being good enough.  I stood up to all the gremlins in my head and with the prompting of my coach, I  pushed through it.  And I have to say it felt good.

We all know that eventually they get to the wizard.  So the most positive part of that whole movie is that they didn’t turn back screaming.  They moved forward.  I also moved forward with getting it done and now it’s on my website better than ever.  In that same way, we must continue down the road to making every effort to push forward through the fear even if we do encounter, “Lions and Tigers, and Bears!

I write this now because it’s fresh on my mind.  I’m struggling with “Lions and Tigers and Bears right now but I’m determined to move forward and do it anyway.  What are some fears that have prevented you from moving forward? 

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes.  You can steer yourself  in any direction you  choose.  You’re on your own.  And you know what you know.  You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.”    Dr. Seuss

I once was at a seminar where the speaker said that; “confidence affects everything”.  I believe that to be true in my own life.  When I lack the self-confidence it affects my whole day, but when I have self-confidence I’m on the top of the world. So here are just 3 tips that have helped me to be more confident!

Tip # 1   Know!  I think Dr. Seuss put it well in the above quote.  “And you know what you know.”  If you are comfortable in what you do and the goods you deliver and the value you give as an entrepreneur this will make you a more confident person in your business and in your life.  As my business has evolved and I know what I do I have become more confident in my business!  I can say with confidence that: ” I am a business coach that specializes in Social Media Managment and I can help you manage your Social Media so you can do what you are passionate about in your business.”

Tip # 2   Being comfortable in your own skin!  Be yourself.  My mentor always tells me “to just show up” that’s really all I have control of, the rest is out of my hands.  When I put my self in situations that I’m not comfortable and I lack confidence in, I become a mess.  But if I just show up, and be the best me, that works so well for my confidence.  I really just got this recently, like today!   I put that in practice today in a session with a client, I showed up, listening and being myself and it was fun and it was great session.

Tip # 3 Have Direction!  When you know where you are going and what you are doing you will have confidence that will bring you to success each and every day.  Dr. Seuss has it right when he says, “You’re on your own.”  “You are the guy/gal who’ll decide where to go.”  You see if you know where you’re going with every step you take you will gain more confidence.  And that is success in my book everyday.

I’m about to share something that most of you reading this probably don’t know about me!  Are you ready?  Are you listening?  Can you hear me?  Seriously, I like Pink Floyd.  I love their music.  The bands guitar player David Gilmore is amazing.  Every time I hear them, I think of the time when I was at the Wall concert and David is up on the Wall playing this amazing guitar solo.  I get the warm fuzzies and my creative juices again are flowing.

Are you wondering? So why in the world are you sharing this!  What does all this have to do with the title?  What does this have to do with Social Media or my Business!  How can this help me?   EVERYTHING and I will explain!

The Band has a song called “Comfortably Numb”  and although I’m taking song way out of context.  There is a message here for us to learn.  It is are you listening to your clients and potential prospects!  Are you listening to people who are writing on your wall, who are talking to you in the common places?  Are you listening to everyone who talks to you or are you more anxious to get your own thoughts and words out.

Here is the beginning of the song that I want to point you to.

Hello? Hello? Hello?

Is there anybody in there?

Just nod if you can hear me.

Is there anyone at home?

Come on now

I hear you're feeling down.

Well I can ease your pain

Get you on your feet again.

Relax.

I'll need some information first.

Just the basic facts.

Can you show me where it hurts?

So here are my tips from the song of Pink Floyd that I believe will help you in your business.

1.  Hello, when was the last time you said Hello to someone.  More importantly was it a passing hello or a friendly hello.  Was it personal or impersonal?   Did you mean it?  Did you hear if they said hello back?  Did you make eye contact?  I believe all these questions say a lot.  Especially when it comes to doing business with people.  It’s about relationships.   Sometimes the simple art of saying hello to someone becomes routine and we miss the fact that the word hello can be the beginning of a relationship or the continuation of a relationship.

2.  Just nod if you can hear me!  Have you ever been in conversation with someone and they just stare at you?  Maybe you get an uh huh, yes, or nod and it instantly brings you into the last conversation with your teenager that you had the other day.  We all have expressions and say things during conversation, we use these expressions to show others we are listening.  Are we really listening?  I want to challenge you to nod like you mean it!  Ask questions so people know you care.  Just nod like you mean it!

3. I hear you’re feeling down!  I hear you!  Maybe it’s something A person said that you need to repeat back so they know you get them.  In the song it’s:  “I hear you're feeling down.”   In business it might be, “I hear you’re slow.” or “I hear you’re struggling.”  Do you hear them?  Maybe it’s, “I hear you had a fantastic week”.   The point is to hear them!  Are you listening?

4.  I'll need some information first, just the basic facts, can you show me where it hurts?   Part of listening is getting the facts so you can share with them and help them if you can.   So are you listening for the facts?  Are you getting the information down?  Are you listening!

My life is really all about helping people and I believe if I follow these tips of listening that I can really know how to help someone.   Share your thoughts below on what are some tips you use for listening.

After spending a week in Africa teaching at a Women’s Conference, I spent the next week on a personal and spiritual high.  I was soaring.  Then on this Tuesday morning I woke up in the state of being in a funk.  Has that ever happened to you?  Mr. Funk was not invited, and I didn’t have him scheduled in my calendar at all.  He just appeared.  Unfortunately, I made the choice to hang with him!

I want to share with you some tips on how I eventually freed myself from his evil clutches.  I want to tell you how I fought the funk so I could be free to be me!

The first thing I did is become aware of his presence.  That was the easy part to notice.  I had no motivation.  I was looking for a reason to quit.  I became a prisoner of my mind and my emotions.  I had negative self -talk going on.  I felt like a failure.  I was also telling myself the wrong story!  So the bottom line is I knew I was experiencing the presence of Mr. Funk!  Knowing this is half the battle.

The next thing was I tried to justify Mr. Funk.  I did that by trying to invite others to my pity party with Mr. Funk.  I even engaged in a conversation about it with my Life Coach.  Guess what it didn’t work.  I was grappling at trying to find the source from where Mr. Funk came from and it did not make me feel any better.  The bottom line is as I became more and more aware of Funks presence I realized that I didn’t have to dwell on the source.  Dwelling on it would keep me from enjoying life and moving forward in my business.  I’ve been with Mr. Funk before and he has not made it easy, I knew if continued to listen to his stories he was telling me, I would never progress.

The biggest thing I did when Mr. Funk arrived on my doorstep and intruded into my personal space is I worked through him, around him and over him.  I refused to listen to his whispers and shouts.  I didn’t allow him to take a seat in my home or in my heart.  I didn’t waste time wondering anymore if I’m good enough, motivated enough to do what I needed to do.  I just did it and moved forward in a big way.

I could end my story here but I won’t because I had an AHA moment while removing Mr. Funk out of my life.  I realized that he came knocking but I made the choice to let him in the back door.   What I realized is that by that single choice of allowing him to harass me that in the same way I could make a better choice and ignore his knocks and voices all together.  I realized I could choose to accomplish what need to be done.  I pushed through it until I felt him no more.   I realized that staying faithful to the things I believe in and am passionate about and the God I serve, quickly rids me of Mr. Funk!  I’m motivated now and have my energy back, Mr. Funk is gone for now, and I’m sure he will try to sneak his way back into my life.  The good news now is he is gone and I feel free at last.  Free of funk and my life and free to do what I need to do and free to make better choices!  Free to not choose to wine and dine Mr. Funk!  What about you?  What are the things you do to get rid of Mr. Funk!

Just last week I was in Nairobi, Kenya teaching at a women’s conference.   It was an eye opening experience in many ways.The one thing I won’t forget is  how many times    someone from Nairobi had said thank you to me. I heard the word thank you being said  last week in Nairobi more than I heard it being said in my entire life. And I’m not  exaggerating.

After I spoke or sang a song the women said “Asante Sana” which mean’s “thank you very much” in Swahili. Sometimes they would say just “Asante” which means “Thank you”. If I handed a women something they said “Asante”. If I they were worshiping the Lord they would say “Asante” to the Lord. They were just so appreciative.

I’m wondering how many times we hear or say the words thank you or thank you very much. I confess until last week I said it rarely. I learned a hard lesson last week. I learned I needed to say thank you more.

Last week being in Africa has changed me in many ways but the one thing I learned is to show appreciation. I learned to say Thank You!
I learned to say it often. I learned to say “Asante Sana”.

Sometimes I think this is a struggle for me and maybe for most of you.   I continue to work on this daily.  Just showing up and being me.  Just doing the best I can in a situation or at an event.  Realizing that in the process I am enough!

BOXES OF LIFE

Recently, a friend and I were discussing some boxes we still have over our parent’s houses.  Well she took one home over the Christmas holiday.   She told me as she was browsing through it she couldn’t believe some of the stuff she saved.  It got me thinking about how cool this was that as she went through this box.  Also that she is not the same person that she was back then.  Transformation has happened!  I’m wondering if you went through some of the boxes that you have saved what would you find?   Would you find that you are different?  I hope so!

I’m continually going through some of the boxes in my life.  I’m glad that the cover is on the past boxes and I am in a new box now.  The box I’m creating now is my own personal box.  Things that I’m starting to gather are books and journals and ideas.  The receipts are calculated and recorded.   The things that are not there are my pains and failures from the past, because that’s the old story.   My life is so dramatically changing every day.   Mostly my new box is about the new me.  What about you what new box are you creating?

More importantly why I mention this whole box thing.  I would venture to say that most of us, including myself have come a long way in our lives.  I’m in the midst of my biggest adventure ever.  I’m of belief that on January 12, 2013 that I will be so much different than my box of January 12, 2012.  I am excited about what is unwritten and not in the box right now gathering dust.  I’m excited that new things that I will be packing into my box.  I know it will be vibrant and it will have great impact on life and encourage more change for the year to follow. 

Some thoughts I am pondering as I begin to transform and evolve as a person with a new box.  Why am I holding on to the old boxes?  What really needs to be saved from the past?  What will I continue to add to the new box?  What will I look like after the box is closed and tucked away in some attic?  What is one thing that won’t be in your box this year?  What is one thing you will be putting in your new box?  

AND SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS.........

The quest for Perfection can stop you from Success!

(2 Ways that perfectionism prevents us from Success!)

 "People throw away what they could have by insisting on perfection, which they cannot have, and looking for it where they will never find it"  Edith Schaeffer

I have a confession to make sometimes (not all the time) I don’t get things done because I’m striving for perfection.  It’s funny, because I have never in my whole life thought I was a perfectionist.  But lately it has been just that.

 So here my thoughts on why trying to be perfect will come back to haunt us and prevent us from success. 

 One way perfection stops us from success is saying these exact words.  “It’s not ready yet, but someday it will be.”  That has been my line so often and what ends up happening is that because of this line nothing gets done.  I am so guilty of this.  I come up with all these plans and I say to myself.  I still need to run it by 3 zillion people.  Or I need to tweak it.  This line leads me into so many excuses to why it’s not ready that I become paralyzed.  And then I accept the fact that I am not ready.  And then nothing gets done

 The 2nd thing that comes up with perfection that prevents us from success is this conversation in our heads that it won’t work and then I get stuck in the land of “What ifs”.  Like what if I fail.  And if it fails I’m not perfect.   What if it comes across as not how I wanted it to come out? And who ever said I had to be perfect.  And stop waiting to be perfect because then it will never get done.

 There are many other reasons that perfection seems to get in our way.  What does this quest for perfection do to you?  How does it hinder you?  I would love to know drop me a line.

Concert in the  New York City

We had snow but we still went into the city.  We had a blast!  The

music was great, the company even greater!

Remembering BELIZE!

This is a big hello to my Belize Buddies, Roomates and Sisters in the Lord!

I miss you guys.  We had so much fun!  We worked so hard!  We Crushed it!

And we were such a team!  You ladies Rock!  Drop me a line at lori.duncan@hopechurchct.org  and let me know how you are doing!  Woo Hoo!

This is my new logo for my business, okay I'm excited.

Spirit Night August 26, 2011

My son Robert playing his tenor sax!

Very Cool!  

Cooper, I love HIM sooo much.  This is his famed NIKE commercial picture. 

That's my sneaker.  In a way I think he just wants to be close to me.

JUST DO IT!

The Leadership Summit was great this year.  And as usual the morning session with Bill Hybels was heart wrenching and touching!  And of course challenging.  Here is what Bill had to say:

Jeremiah received a tough calling from God: to speak God’s word to God’s people. The words God wanted Jeremiah to speak were words of warning to shake them up and wake them up. Nothing goes well. No one likes what he has to say. God tells him to keep speaking so he does. He gets beaten and put on display for shame. In Jeremiah 20, he tells God how he feels. “You sweet talked me… and I bought it. This isn’t what I had in mind.” He was torn between being faithful to his calling and his ache for success. Give up the ache to be successful in the eyes of the world and go with what God is calling you to do. Jeremiah wrote his lament down… it’s in our Bible. At the end of his lament he had clarity: throughout all of it, God’s mercies were new to him every morning. “I have had very little hardship carrying out what God has called me to do.” If you watch one episode of the evening news, you know our world is broken and it’s getting worse. The fixes that are going to be required for the ills of our society are not going to be easy assignments. They won’t be short-term assignments. God is looking for some strong-shouldered leaders who are available to take on tough callings. “I stand in awe of leader who receive tough assignments.” Do you have the courage to listen? What is your tough calling?

Bill said, “This world won’t get fixed unless leaders like us are available for tough assignments.” What tough assignment will you step up to after the Summit?  Bill and I wrote it down on the broken pottery!

Italian Garden

This single flower sticks out to me!  As I photographed it, I couldn't help but think
how amazing God is.  That this is all part of His wonderful creation!.

Ashville, North Carolina!

The Biltmore House

Celebrating 29 years of

Marriage!

Footprint 

Every year I am involved in a picnic for the gals at Bridgeport Rescue Mission!

Here is a picture of us volunteers and of course my friends Ruth and Carolyn putting horns 

on me.  Cmon this is something I would do!

Amazing Wall Picture!

I let my son Corey paint one of his 4 walls.  This is what he painted.  

He is such a good artist!