THE WEATHER OUSIDE IS FRIGHTFUL!!!!

.....................And it's New Years Eve.

Ahh And it's a time for new beginning. 2008 was a good year for me.

It was a time with connecting with old friends and new friends.

It was time of much happiness.

It was a time of getting over the past. (Embracing it and Moving on)

2007(not a good year) Is really beginning to distance itself from me. I am most thankfull for this. I am back to myself but better, wiser. (Supposively)

I really do know that sometimes there isn't happy endings. And so gee, my fairy tale life will not happen.

New Years eve is a time to make those silly resolutions that everyone gives up on by the end of February. So what will be my unrealistic resolutions this year. What will be my good intentioned, life improving, quality resolutions. One only, One word, one thing: SIMPLIFY!!

I want to simplify my life! How will I measure that? I will know that my life is simplified by having more time to do the things I want to do. I like that. Now that is measurable.

Happy NEW YEAR.

Another Year Older!

Today marks my 46th Birthday and I really am in denial about being in my 40's at all.

Like what is it about being in your 40's? Does it make me more important than being in my 30's. But I am 46 and each year I do get a little bit older. I think when is that grand year going to happen for me. You know the year when everything is just fantastic. You know the year when nothing goes wrong and you are bestowed many blessings from beyond. Yeh right.

I must say 45 was fine for me, I would't mind skipping altogether 44. But for me a milestone happened at 45. I guess you would call it that. Like I became a Grandmother. Okay, no laughing, it's not as bad as I thought. And I must confess, I love it when I go into a store with my Grandson and they think I'm his mother. Puts everything in perspective for me just one more time.

Perspective is everything. It's how I see things. It's what I do with the things I see.

It's how I understand things. It's what do with the things I understand.

But perspective everyone has one. I have a perspective on being 46.
Change is coming!

Life is beginning!

Everything always comes full circle!

Nothing but chocolate will do!

If I always do what I always did.........

Change

Oh and by the way Happy Birthday to Me!!!!

Can you smell it in the Air?
One of the best things about living in the Northeast is snow.
Most people don’t like snow. But I love it.
I love the quiet it brings.
I love how clean and white the snow is.
I love watch how each flake falls.
Mostly I love watching the children play in it.

No School! No School!
That is the favorite of my kids. The excitement of missing a day of school is almost as good as the snow storm itself.
So today we have no school. We have hot chocolate, plenty of pizza bagels and soup. We have cookies!!!
It’s party time!!!!!!

It Really, Really IS!

It Really, Really IS! What? Read On. It’s almost mid December, and our Christmas tree is up and decorated. Im busy writing Christmas cards and really enjoying it. This post in fact, started out to be my Christmas letter. But I canned it. So I have pulled out the Christmas Photographs, Christmas books, the Christmas music and the Christmas movies. And I am in the Christmas spirit. I must say I have at least 3 favorite movies. And one of those movies I can watch over and over again is; “It’s a wonderful life”. Oh how I love that movie.
As I watch the movie, I can relate to it in so many aspects. I am reminded in the midst of hard, life changing circumstances we really can't think to clearly sometimes. This is evidenced by the main Character in the movie George Bailey. George Bailey he had dreams and hopes and in his mind he had not fulfilled them. In many ways we are all like George Bailey in the sense that we have dreams and hopes. Without going into too much detail of the movie, on Christmas eve George Bailey, head of Bailey Savings and Loan is under a lot of financial pressures and attempts to end it all by jumping off a bridge. And that is the turning point of his life because he is saved by an angel named Clarence on assignment to get his wings. Then the fun begins.
George wishes that he had never been born and Clarence gives him that exact wish. Clarence’s journey through George’s life shifts George’s perspective from monetary problems to the positive effect he has had on others. And he really begins to relize that he has made a difference in peoples lives. Then George realizes that he does want to live and that he has a wonderful life, no matter the money difficulties. Racing home to his family, he finds friends there who have gathered the necessary funds for the deposit – thereby saving the bank. In the end, all turns out well. As George’s family and friends gather around him, a bell on the Christmas tree rings, signaling that Clarence earned his wings. You see because we really, really do have a wonderful life.
Many of us might feel a bit like George Bailey this year, financially strapped and not sure how we will make it through the tough times. This often leads to many desperate thoughts and it can affect our entire outlook on life. A reframing of our thoughts away from monetary and economic matters might help remind us as well that there is much good in life and much to be happy about, much to be thankful about. Mainly because it still is such a wonderful life.
What makes us happy? I really am a firm believer that only God can make us happy. Then if we are having that personal realationship with Jesus, out of that comes giving to others -- through our time, money and talent. I think this tends to make us happier rather than temporary gains.
George Bailey’s story unfolds in the small town of Bedford Falls. For those of us who live in large cities or like myself live in Norwalk a much smaller scaled city, it is up to us to help create and participate in communities and associations. These volunteer associations, about half of which are worship-related, provide a way for us to give to others as well as to create social networks that add meaning and context to our everyday lives.
This Christmas season, with so many people in need, try focusing on helping others out of the icy waters, and you might not notice that you are a bit cold yourself. And you know giving to others will lead to an increase in your happiness, increasing your ability work harder, be a better parent, have a better marriage and become a better citizens.
The truth is, I’ve done some cool things this year. I’ve accomplished some things I am proud of. I have people in my life I love. And I guess that’s the point of writing a Christmas Letter, just sharing some cool things. And as I write these letters year after year, I realize "It really, really is a wonderful life". There are just so many things that turned my life upside down and I know have impacted others lives too, and these things have made me giddy and joyful inside. Yes, I been in tough situations and circumstances, yes, I have had some of these this year and yes I will have them in the future. But all in all, I will continue to make a difference in the world I live in in the context of Jesus and really really, it is a wonderful life!

I’m a softie!

I have a confession to make and it’s big. I am a softie for the Salvation Army Bell Ringers at Christmas time. You know the ones that used to wear the Santa Costumes.

I have another confession. This is bigger. It’s very hard for me to walk by those bell ringers with out putting something into the hanging pot.

What is it about me that feels like I have to do this?
Don’t they know I was there Sunday, Monday and Tuesday? Don’t they care about the guilt they make me feel when I happen to walk by because I already just gave at Wal-Mart and now I’m at Stop & Shop. Can’t they hang out all in one place so I don’t have to be guilty everywhere I go.

The biggest confession I have is some of these Bell ringers look like they aren’t too trustworthy with the money. Its kind scary. At the same time, I’m truly not Salvation Army Bell ringer profiler. But the cynic in me makes me take double look.

Then I realize that I am having bad thoughts about the Bell ringers. I think about the cup of coffee they are drinking and I wonder if they used the money that people gave to buy that coffee and so I feel guilty and give.

Now I must confess that this is the part of the season that is pure torture for me. But the other reason I have a hard time passing them by is because it’s cold and I feel sorry for that they have to stand out in the cold. So I break down and put something in the bucket. And I do it again and again and again.
I am a softie

Out of the Comfort Zone

Looking Back

"Then Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came toward Jesus..."

As I look back, here I am 5 years ago standing by the wall of the Caribbean Sea in front of the pastors house in Belize City, Belize. Back then I was reminded of the story in scripture when Peter walks on the water. Although Peter's lack of faith forces him to sink and Jesus saves him, on a positive note, Peter needs to be commended for stepping out of the boat.

I remember being a little uneasy about coming here. I was afraid, much like the other disciples, to step out of the boat. I was disappointed in myself, that there were too many times in my life that I never "stepped out" and I nestled myself in my comfort zone, and missed out on God's calling. I certainly didn't want to leave my wonderfully air conditioned house to be in Belize. But that nudge and still, quiet voice kept calling me to "step out", and I did. I remember on that day by the wall, I had already seen God at work in my life and He was about to do so much more. In the midst of all these thoughts about going to Belize the day I arrived I sensed so much "brokenness" and poverty was everywhere. I was so eager to serve.

I found out that the vision of Belize City was to build a Church and a School in the burial grounds a place where the poorest of poor

live. When I got to the site this is what I saw. And we began to work on this empty piece of land. There were other aspects of this trip like visitingorphanages and holding orphans but this image will be forever imbeded in my head.

The progression here is not hard to see. And all the while, and over the years, I needed to be reminded of the initial feeling that I got here, that we live in a lost and broken world, outside my comfort zone. I remember praying to the Lord and asking Him "How long have I been numb to the darker side of reality?

So I stepped out into the unknown and I trusted God to keep me strong and hold me up. And when I start to sink because of my shortcomings and my selfishness, I know He will carry me the rest of the way and He did and still is.

THERE IS ANOTHER BACKYARD!

Most of us have backyards, some beautifully and artistically landscaped, others not so. As I ponder my most recent missions trip back to Belize in the Burial Grounds. I realize that the backyards are much different. These yards are covered with trash and debris that could fill at least 10 dumpsters. They are covered with old wooden bridges, sort of make-shift sidewalks. They are covered with overgrown grass and bushes. Every time I go there I wonder and I look. Maybe I even shake my head, and the sadness overwhelms me. But there is so much more to the trash and the debris in these back yards. What is it?

If you’re able to look beyond the back yards to the people it gives you a totally different perspective. It’s a group of people that are struggling in there own terms to survive the life that was handed to them. It’s this third world poverty at its best. It’s the parents walking everywhere to there jobs, to the stores, to the neighbors shack. It’s a community. It’s God’s people. It’s the children frolicking about. They are playing with their go-carts. They are playing some pick-up soccer with whoever passes their way to pass the day.

It’s all those bare feet hardened by the roads of their life. These feet hardened by their backyards. But their hearts are still open to the beat of their backyards and I get to go home to mine.

One Hundred Years from now (excerpt from "Within My Power" by Forest Witcraft)

One Hundred Years from now It will not matter what kind of car I drove,

What kind of house I lived in, how much money was in my bank account nor what my clothes looked like.

But the world may be a better place because I was important in the life of a child.

Tidbits on Plastic

This is for amusement only,and was spurred on by an email on how bad plastic bags are for our environment and in some cases, plastic bags can hurt the animals of the world. And yes for demonstration purposes my dog Cooper is modeling for us. Please note he was not in danger at any time. I have nothing better to do with my Ice Coffee sipping days in Plastic.

Yeh, I own cloth bags and sometimes I forget to bring them inside the store. It upsets me when I forget them. Must be the brain damage I have from the plastic drinking bottles that we drink water from.
I was sold long ago on Cloth but they are a pain to carry around, so I leave them in my car trunk now and still forget them.
But this could be a scam to get us to buy cloth bags. Hmm, will they find that cloth causes some deadly disease?
By the way, 9 out of 10 dentists use plastic dental tools.
So what about those plastic bags that we use in our trash cans in our homes?
What will we invent for those. Cloth trash bags could be very cool and when they get dingy we can wash them with our church clothes. Or we can bring them to the cleaners so they can cover them with plastic.
Now there's an Idea.
While you are hanging out in your Bible study room tonight (if you have one), sit in that chair and talk to God
It requires no plastic. LOL
Uh oh unless you have a plastic bible cover. Then what will you do? hmm
Okay, I've been sun deprived today. Do you care?
Brain damage is caused by plastic.
Also Brain damage by the way can also be caused by kids. (annoying kids) Of course I don't know any annoying kids, do you?
Which leads me to those disposible diapers that's why I stopped having kids. It was those disposable diapers. I was concerned about the environment. But I forgot that I could have grandchildren.
Hmm and what about our cordless telephones how many of these devices have plastic.
I'm feeling a women's bible study on plastic. Entitled "The 7 deadly sins of plastic"
Do you know the statistics of murder committed by plastic knives? Scary Huh
Okay I'm done.
It was nice listening to the musicians yesterday in Church, but the mic's had some materials made of plastic. And so did those plastic music notebooks.
Wow We are being taken over by the world of Plastic.
Well be sure to read my new book called "Plastic No More" with chapter 5 being totally devoted to how Penquin's are an endangered species because of Plastic. And it can be related faith and how it can happen to us Too. WE ARE ENDANGERED

Thankful for 81

Today was my mothers eighty first birthday. I took her out to lunch at her favorite diner, Penny's. She doesn't look at the menu anymore she just orders what I order. It was a good day for her she was alert and orientated to time and place. Which is something to be thankful for. She told me some funny stories and she & I laughed. Oh how I love her laugh. After lunch I took her to my house so we can play scrabble. She beat me in two games. What can I say it's nice for her to win on her birthday. And she was cocky about it too. Quite proud of herself including a little mockery of me when I put down a word she did not approve of. It was a most wonderful day. My younger boys Robert and Corey decided to pose with their Grandma for her 81st birthday. And they had some fun too.

As I was driving home from dropping her off, I just thanked the Lord that I still have Mother to celebrate her birthday with.

Today my day began with a series of sad notes. The obituaries were not fun to read for me today. And were not in my favor. My brothers friend Matt McKale, the famed LA sports writer died of heart attack at 50 years old, just shy of 51.

And the mother of someone I went 12 years to school with lost her battle to cancer at age 74. She also was the aunt of someone that was my best friend in 3rd grade and someone I went to school with. When I arrived at the wake this evening, my friend was not there, she was in New York recieving treatments for her own battle with cancer now. I was sad. Then I bumped into another friend of mine from my grammer school, our daughters did NHS band together and she told me at the wake she just lost her mom to lung cancer.

So I am thankful! Thankful that I had the opportunity to spend the day with my Mom on her 81st Birthday. Thankful that I am alive and healthy too.

The New Yorker Way

Bill and I had a day to spend with each other. We decided lets go to the City and visit the Met and I really wanted to see the JW Turner collection. It couldn't of been a more beautiful day. The sky was blue the sun was out and our moods were spirited. After all it was 1o am and we had a lot of energy for middle aged persons. At any rate we take the train from South Norwalk to Grand Central and we decide to walk 40 blocks, instead of taking the subway. Okay, so that may be a lot . But it was so fun. I love the smells and the noises of the city. The smell of side walk venders, the pretzels and the hot dogs and the sausages. Need I say more. Oh what day. As we were walking up Avenue of Americas and then we decided to move over to go up 5th avenue and I got this wonderful shot as I passed Central Park. Oh we even passed the Central Park Zoo and I realized we could have went there for free because we have a family membership at the Bronx Zoo. Oh well, another missed opportunity to be found on another day. Look at this awesome picture. I must say I am one proud mama.
So we get to the Museum and on the sidewalks on our approach are all the art venders. These venders are there selling the stuff everyday. Maybe one of the days I will bid sympathy to one of these venders and actually buy something. So in a distance I see the museum and I am actually excited. One, because I love this place, two, because I'm really hot from walking 40 blocks, and three, I am a bit tired. So much for the energizer bunny in me, now I could use a motorized wheelchair. Here is my view of the giant sign of the exhibit that will be featured for the next 2 months.

The Turner Collection was ever so amazing and was well worth the walk of 40 blocks. Thrown in for an extra bonus for us was some wonderful black and white photography exhibits by other talent. But I must say the Turner collection was breathtaking. Turner is a British landscape artist who had the amazing talent of capturing moonlight, sunlight and all the shadows and bursts of light that come with reality of life. I have seen a few of his paintings before and I have always wished I could see his whole collection someday. Bill who didn't know much about Turner was instantly a fan and in for big surprise. The historical stuff he painted and the stories he protrayed were just what the imagination ordered. My only disappointment was his dogs in the pictures. This may sound a bit crazy but they all looked like they were malnutritioned. Go figure. It reminded me of some pictures I have seen of the sick looking dogs in the burial grounds in Belize City, Belize. Also among Turners collections are his 2 trips to Italy. Venice and Rome are included in the collection. Oh that made my day.

_____________________________________________________________________

So we are done at the MET and we decide to take a Taxi cab back to eat near Grand Central. We flag down a taxi cab and some one cuts right in front of us like we weren't standing there. It's always a treat not to be noticed on purpose. So we jumped into the next cab. And low and behold finally after the last 2 trips into NYC we get a friendly taxi cab driver. He asked us about everything, including politics and I was wondering if the question he asked about who we liked for president was trick question. I am now wondering about whatever we answer, will the meter go up faster. Or will he dump us off in a bad section Harlem. Well at anyrate, I declined to answer, but my wonderful companion for the day, Bill chimed in. I now was having mental talks with myself. Saying in my head, "Don't worry Lori, not everyone is passionate about these candidates, it will be okay." Quite surprisingly the driver was on the same page with us. Hmm, friendly taxi driver on the same page is an extra perk for the making of a most perfect day in the city. He lets us off and we exchange addresses and invite him for dinner on Monday, (not really, just kidding). And we are off for the food adventure in the city which could be an adventure all by itself. So we start browsing some of the menu's on the windows outside. So if we even decide to get hamburgers I'm not paying 20 bucks for one. So we find this little Irish pub that is right near Grand Central. Plus it was fairly empty. Not really sure if this was a good sign or a bad sign but considering it was only around 3ish in the afternoon, I was not too concerned. We eat and the food was great, the service was rather slow, although after glancing over at the bar, I realized why. The waitress we had and the bartender were doing shots, okay, we should be happy that we even got our meals. So we are sitting in the restaurant and now I am eagerly awaiting the next part of my New York experience. Which I have not wrote about yet. My idea was let's pay alot of money for Met's tickets and take the 7 train to Shea from Grand Central. Now that is totally being a New Yorker. How cool is this. I had the best idea of all. I'm glad my brain is still working and I have these great brainstorms. So we hop on the 7 train.

___________________________________________________________________

So we are on the 7 train and it tooks us about 30 minutes to get to Flushing. One of the reasons I wanted to go to Shea Stadium was because this will be this ballparks last year. I have some fond memories and some sad memories of this stadium and so I am a bit on the sentimental side when it comes to the New York Mets and this stadium. Now at the end of this season the old outdated stadium will be torn down for the new Citi Field. So I have seen this park in all kinds of circumstances even when we were sharing it with Yankees and the Jets. And we always came by car to the stadium and I could remember as we would drive over the Whitestone Bridge anticipating as a little girl those funky Shea stadium colors, orange and blue. So I could remember always wondering what it was like to be a true New Yorker and take the 7 train to the stadium and so we did it. When we arrived we started through the turnstyles to an open stairway and this was my view of the stadium, my last view, maybe.

And this will be it's replacement below. The new stadium called "Citi field" It is beautiful. In my mind I kept thinking will I even be able to afford this whole event ever again. Will I be able to take my grandson to his first ballgame here. So check out the new masterpiece.
So I got my tickets through stub hub the day before and I wanted the 1st base side right over the Mets dugout. Oh I did it again, what awesome seats. Oh I so wish I had my other camera. Why do I do this to myself everytime. Here our some of my memories of the night. Including a up close and personal with Mr. Met himself. From the national anthem to the Mets winning the game it was my perfect storybook ending to a "New Yorker Way" kind of day.

BREATHE!

Just breathe!

A sigh of relief, maybe finally!

Or another quiet before the storm.

Silently wondering why,

thanking God for these moments,

and the space in between storms,

and just one more breath,

one more sigh of relief!

Faces of Belize

These are the faces that haunt me year after year.
These are the faces I long to go back to.
Why?
Hope!

There is a new song out there by Steven Curtis Chapman called Yours, the lyrics of the song are powerful. One of the verses in the song goes like this,
“I walk the streets of London,
And I notice faces passing by
My heart grows heavy with the cry
Where is the hope for London?
You whisper and my heart begins to soar
As I’m reminded every street in London is Yours.”

That was just a little taste of the song but it is so powerful. And it was a stark reminder for me that every face in Belize belongs to God.
God is the creator.

Each face has hope
Hope that some day their life will be better
Hope that they will have a job.
Hope that someday someone would care for them
Hope that there will be food on the table
Hope that there will be a school to go to
Hope that they will meet God at church today
Hope that they will have good, trust worthy friends
Hope that there smiles would be contagious
Hope that some would love them today
Hope that all the wounds and scars of life would be healed
Hope that someday that there would be no more tears, hurts or fears
Hope!!!

As I go down the list of Hopes, these are not any different than our hopes. Are they?
The faces in Belize are really us!

Choosing Thankfulness

What spurred me on to write this was a message I heard in the summer of 2002. My pastor at the time gave an awesome missionary message. But the words that triggered something in me and convicted me were two separate phrases he said. One was, “Countries are starving but we live in abundance.” The second was, “Lots of countries have nothing and we have abundance.” Then for the entire beginning of the week I went on a tangent like I normally do and of course I felt that God was speaking to me in all the things that I so often take for granted.

I have had the opportunity to minister and serve on the Belize Missions teams year after year. Sometimes in Belize this is all I see. (see photo) As I was looking at many photos of my trips to Belize, and pondering my return this August, I immediately realize that I take an awful lot for granted. In fact before I got up this morning this is probably some of the things I take for granted. Such as:
I had a good nights sleep.
I have a house to keep us out of the elements.
I have a house with lights, heat, AC, and windows.
I sleep in comfortable beds, with blankets.
I have alarm clocks to wake me up.
I had a warm shower with all the accessories that goes with showers.
I have clean clothes and shoes.
I had breakfast with several choices or I have had money to buy breakfast.
I have cars.
I have the privilege to meet for worship and bible studies
I have bibles and the freedom to use them.

Need I go on, this is just all the abundance I take for granted. I also know in my own life I forget to thank God.
So I think a topic that most of can relate to is: Having a grateful heart, choosing thankfulness

Several passages come to mind when I think of thankfulness. These are
“Oh, That men would give thanks to the Lord…for his wonderful works to the children of men! Psalm 107:8
“Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with and attitude of Thanksgiving…” Colossians 4:2
“Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is Gods will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thes 5:16-18

Am I a thankful person? It’s a choice. The famous bible scholar Matthew Henry wrote these words in his diary after he was robbed of all the money he had in the world. “Let me be thankful first, because I was never robbed before, second, because although they took my purse, they did not take my life; third, let me be thankful that although they took my all, it was not much, and forth, because it was I who was robbed and not I who robbed.” http://www.wholesomewords.org/devotion1.html
No doubt about it, thankfulness is a choice.

THANKFULLNESS IS A CHOICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Am I choosing thankfulness over complaining moment by moment? Gratitude is one moment at a time. I always have to ask myself, “Am I choosing thankfulness right now?” Oh my attitudes, I know my choosing thankfulness is not my normal
patterns of thinking that were formed over a long period. But those long periods accumulate moment by moment and choice by choice. I have some friends in life, that when ever I asked them how they are doing they return with this answer. “I am blessed” What a response, what thoughtful, well chosen words. They could have focused on what they didn’t have but they chose to be blessed. So I am choosing to be thankful because I am so blessed, moment by moment. How about you?

On Hold

It’s not too often in life that someone or something can put a hold on your life. I was thinking about being put on hold. Like on the telephone, not much you can do. You just have to wait. I can’t tell you how often I have just wanted to hang up. But you know the routine. If you hang up and call again you are back to being # 50 on that so called list.
So here I am, my life put on hold. But this time it’s not a person on the other line, it some diabolical sickness. I have no control. I just have to wait. And I can’t hang up, because even if I could do it, I would still have this diagnosis on my head.
So let’s backtrack, to the week before being put on hold. I’m busy doing my thing, started my diet, my workout tweak is in full swing, but by Tuesday, I’m feeling like crap. Thought maybe because it was from lack of stimulation so on Thursday of last week I take this 2 mile walk, but instead of feeling this energy burst like I usually get, I am beat and I need a nap.
So here I am sitting pathetically on my outside deck soaking in some rays, which by the way some how the sun went in, when I came out. At any rate my life now has been put on hold by someone, (the Doctor) and by something, (Pneumonia). The diagnosis is 14 days. So what is it like? It’s not like I chose to be on hold. So Lori, what is it like?
On hold,
Forced to be taken away from any adult socialization
On hold,
Mercifully at the hands of others for some help
On hold,
With my stack of good books that I have always wanted to read
On hold,
Watching the dishes and laundry pile up
On hold,
Watching the dust balls grow in the corners
On hold,
REM sleeping more that I can ever remember and actually finding out for the first time that I dream in color
On hold,
Missing my long morning and afternoon walks with my dog
On hold,
Almost finished now with eat, pray, love by Elizabeth Gilbert
On hold,
Just for now
On hold

Never forget who you are!!!!!

In the never forget who you are scenario, comes two questions. Who am I? And what am I doing? These questions are haunting me today. It’s not like I don’t know who I am. But really who am I. I am a wife, a mother, a daughter a friend. But really who am I? I am an ambassador for Christ. But really who am I? I am a daughter of the King, born with passions and desires and dreams. I am a new creation. I am created in the image of an eternal God who is so awesome. But really who am I?

What are you doing? Sometimes I don’t even know. But really what are you doing? Making a difference for the kingdom I hope. But really what are you doing? Encouraging everyone I come in contact with to walk in faith. But really what are you doing? Passionately worshiping my creator with everything I have. But really what are you doing? I am losing a bit of myself each day to serve Him everyday of my life. So have I forgotten who I am? Have you forgotten who you are?

Sometimes we really do forget who we are. I recently heard a story in sermon that I was listening to, of a Rabbi who was up in the Russian area. He was so discouraged with his life doubting his faith and call. On one chilly evening he walked out of his house very discontent and disheartened. There was a chill in the air but not worse than the chill that was in his own soul. He was so discouraged that he inadvertently walked into a Russian compound that was off limits to civilians. And the still of the night was broken by the brash yell of a Russian soldier yelling. Who are you and what are you doing? As the Rabbi came to his senses he said “Excuse Me”. The Russian soldier then repeated himself and said, “Who are you and what are you doing here? The Rabbi replied, “How much do they pay you to do this.” And the soldier then said, “What in the world does this have to do with anything. And the Rabbi answered “because I would be willing to pay you the same sum to ask me those two questions everyday of my life. “Who are you and what are you doing here?”

I want to be that Russian soldier and ask myself every morning, “Who am I? What am I doing here, today?” I know I have to remind myself that everyday. I think it really helps to do so. I want to ask you who are reading this today, “Who are you? What are you doing here today?” Because each of has gifts, passions and dreams to fulfill that God wants us to. So if you are a bit discouraged today and there is a chill in your soul, know that God has created you for a purpose. You are not here by chance. So I ask you one more time, “Who are you and what are you doing?

ALL DONE, WHILE CONVERSING
Ring, Ring, Ring........I pick up......a recording....press 1 if you will accept the charge, (heck like I would be thinking he would be paying) press two if you want to hear the cost by minute, (Like, I haven't already counted the cost, in fact it keeps on costing, even when away), I accept.... Hello, Mom........

...... Like most of us normal folk people, like what ever that is. I have had the opportunity touring some criminal justice institutions over the years. (Sounds like a song here, "Through the Years".) The thoughts are many, as I see the snapshots in my head and look back at the horrid sights. I recently had the misfortune of learning that now one of my families finest breed just checked into one of these great institutions of justice, rehabilitation and the making of fine citizen's and yes I have an attitude. All this, while conversing on the phone with this fine species. And I thought I would have some fun with this.

Thinking back, after visiting a good friend in Whiting forensic , a brother in Torrington, and also visiting and doing prison ministry for a day in Belize Central Prison giving bibles away. Often I would try to imagine what checking into a place like this would be. So as I am talking on the phone to person who has already checked in I sort of blot out the real words that are being said, and just hear BLAHHHHHHHH. I have flashbacks of what this could be or would be like for me to actually to join in and experience this exciting and new adventure. Cool, I'm checking in. (OH Darn I forgot the Camera)

.......At check in, the uniformed person takes all your stuff for safekeeping during your stay and issue you fresh clothes. Usually they come in the colors of Orange or White with a cool trademark. Great advertising I suppose. Variety is good but I guess a color of choice is not an option. It's nice that they give you two sets. But I was kind of hoping for 2 colors so I could mix and match. darn. When they showed me to my room, I asked one of them for my own key so I can decorate but they somewhat ingraciously declined. Maybe next time they will be nicer.

The community showers are awesome, and offer an opportunity to socialize that you would never get at an ordinary hotel or apartment complex or even at my home. Even though I usually can't take a crap in my house without someone knocking on the door to ask me a question. Well at least I had a door, I will never take for granted a door again. In fact when I get off this phone call, I will kiss all the doors in my house. I know I will make some lifelong friends during my stay in this doorless community. I can just imagine who.

The rooms themselves are a bit cramped, without much of a view. One of the unique things about staying at this kind of place is you often have a roommate or 2. On my stay, Im sure I’ll have some really great, respectable roommates that I can model my life after, such as a bank robber, or rapist or murderer and arsonist, who knows. But by the time I leave I will get to know them really well.

The restaurant inside left something to be desired, and to tell you the truth I don't think the chefs here try very hard. It really upsets me when people don't try hard. But I can't complain, at least the food is free. And of course, and unfortunately, the dining options are limited. I'm sure I'll never complain again about my pathetic cooking again.

They need to talk to one of the hotel chains like and try to get in on their used mattress program, because the bedding here leaves much to be desired. I know I will need to go to my Chiropractor when I check out of this joint. Gee I wonder if I can get adjusted while I'm here. Maybe not, it would probably be hard to find some one of these credentials in here. But who's complaining at least there is a mattress.

When all is said and done, these are all minor compared to being locked up. I'm sure there is much worse places to be but for sure even though I'm not really complaining, you know. I'd much rather be at the Hilton with a roommate of my choice..........

.......hello, now what were you saying something about a bail............... Court.........Transfering......... Well, Illl call you when I check out......Goodbye, I love you..............

In The COLD, Sometimes

My tears fall ever so slowly. Always wondering when the loss really happened. I struggle to hold on to something, someone. I am haunted sometimes by, could this all be just a bad dream. And then I realize I am staring at the wall and I am very much awake………

Sometimes, I stand on the shore of my favorite beach or so I think. I realize the tide is coming in, my white sneakers are very much wet. Can this be? A fairly light breeze flows in my face and mist from the water touches down too. My hair is in my eyes, oh how I hate that, I brush it away.

Sometimes, I have wondered. Sometimes, God where are you, am I dreaming? You have brought me a long way but sometimes I drift with the tide. Oh drift ever so much.

Sometimes, I hear some of my songs that I like in the distance so perfectly scripted to go along with the circumstances I am in. Sometimes I am flooded with different melodies all describing a period of time in my life. Sometimes, it sets the mood and the tone.

Sometimes, I just sit on my bed and listen to the sounds of the night and I watch all the different shimmers and shadows of light that come in from the empty spaces. I realize, this really is so real.
Sometimes, I think of the different fronts I put on, acting on the outside like I really do have it all together and then on the inside I really am falling apart, coming undone sometimes.

Sometimes, I wonder if this is all there is. And here I am and all that is left is me. I notice that I am fading.
Sometimes, I wonder if there is really a God and if this is all real. I wonder if I can believe this all tomorrow, or if I can really believe it today.

Sometimes I think on things that are true, and wonder really, what is truth? I think on things pure and wonder what is pure? Sometimes I struggle with goodness. Sometimes my past flashes before me. I hate it. I hate all that I was. I wish I could have it all back again but I can’t.

Sometimes, I believe that my past will come back to me, but at least I know that in heaven it will be wiped away clean with no tears. And some how I believe it’s wiped away now.

……..It’s cold and I have Tears…. Sometimes……