To all that has been, THANKS!

To all that will be, YES!

Women's Ministry

To all that has been, THANKS!

Well, where do I begin.  Somewhere in this month I wanted to address the fact that I have with much trepidation and prayer felt that God has been moving me out of Women's Ministry.  So on May 10th at the Hope Business meeting I gave my last report and introduced the new Women's Ministry Director.  The last five years I have ate, slept and lived Women's Ministry.  I am so passionate about the need for Women's ministry but for me it was an end of a season in my life.  God has led me through a wonderful season in my life.  And I am most thankful and grateful for this season.

So for the last few weeks now, cards have been trickling in from different women that I have shared my life and passion for God with.  And the words that I keep hearing over and over again, "Many, many women have been touched by you."  These words have been the most encouraging because I really never knew the effects of my ministry while doing it.  I just kept on leaning on the Lord to help me with a ministry that was so hard, painful sometimes and I was so clueless sometimes.  But He in unfailing love continued to grow me to really feeling like this ministry was so me.  I SAY THANKS!

Mostly I have to admit.  That being a part of Gods ministry and investing time in many many women has changed me more.  I see the big picture now and how the Lord wants me to continue the many things I was doing but just not in the context of being the Women's Ministry Director.  The lessons I learned along the way were life changing.  I SAY THANKS!

To All that will be, I SAY YES!

Right now I'm saying yes to rest and focusing more on HIM and my family.  I'm saying no to things now that I usually don't.  These things that I am saying no to are all good things but maybe not the thing He wants for me.  I am seeking Him for the things that will be next in my life!  I want His total leading in the things that will be.   I'm headed for surgery in a couple of weeks,  I don't know what the results will bring but I do know one thing, it will be more rest and a time for me to do a lot of reading in which I love to do.  Also it will be a time of journaling, blogging and fun stuff.  

To This I say Yes!

And again To all that will be, I SAY YES!

I'm in this leadership group at my church and this was required reading.  I kind of rebel sometimes against required reading, but I obeyed.   We actually had 2 times where we openly discussed this book.  This is a book that talked about the spiritual disciplines and that we should discover them in our lives or maybe continue to practice them in our lives.  John Ortberg did it in a unique way.  One quote that stuck out for me was, "Now, with God's help, I shall become myself. "~ Soren Kierkgaard  As I pondered this quote I realized that I need more than God's help, I need his daily presence.  I don't want to be doing anything with out Gods guidance, without His Spirits promptings.  I am amazed at how anybody could live without his help.  I know I don't want to.  


Another quote was a paraphrase of what Jesus said.  "Love God, Love People."  Thats what we should be doing.   I want this to be a part of my life, so much so that when people talk about me long after I'm dead they will say I loved God and I loved people.  That is a challenge everyday because I act like I don't love God at times because I'm so selfish.  And loving people is hard, especially the people who are hard to love or a pain in the neck, or just plain unlovely.   Yet God commands us to to do just that.  You know in my 47 years of life I have met so many Christians who make themselves to be so spiritually superior to others that they forget to humble themselves like Jesus did.  Including myself on this one.  I struggle sometimes to put others needs before my own.  Wow what would my life truly look like if I loved God and loved others everyday.  


I could ramble on about this book and it had so many good points in it.  But the goal is to live a transformed life by abiding in Him.  And if we try to do it in our own strength we blow it.  In fact we blow it every time.


So let me leave you with this thought and this is not from the book but maybe a concept I deducted from the book.  The spiritual disciplines come in many forms.  We can pray and read His word, we can journal, we can even stand on our heads, but if we are doing it out of duty rather than love WE BLOW IT!  You see I love God and I want to spend time with Him.  I want the HS that lives inside of me to change me the way that He wants me to change.  And when Jesus was here on earth, He loved the Father and He loved people.  So much that He gave up being in the constant presence of the Lord in the heavens.  So much that he took on a human form and became a man.  So how much does it take for us to die to ourselves to become closer to Him.  All I know is I want to pursue that.  I want to love Him with all my heart, mind and soul.  But ME, MYSELF and I get in the way of that!!!!!

A Fond Memory

As the Hope Team just got back from spending a week in New Orleans serving in the City where Hurricane Katrina wreaked her havoc.  I can't help but think of the week that I had spent there a year ago.  I have so many memories.  One thing for sure is that when I was there I realized for the first time how small and helpless we really are and how small and helpless I really am.  

It didn't take long to realize the devastation that the Hurricane did.  There were traces everywhere.

When I was there it was like I lived in two worlds.  The place where we slept across the causeway and then where we worked in New Orleans, on a street called South Derbingy.   All that week I had the privilege of bringing hungry teenagers to eat.  All around us were houses boarded up or people homeless.  It was hard to take in.

One day coming back from lunch I got lost and ended up on another South Derbingy.  But I guess for the kids that traveled with me all week I guess I was constantly saying "Where am I".  So they were used to it.  So they didn't know that I was really lost this time.  But it was a very scary moment for me and my GPS that kept on bringing me to the same spot.  

So that day as I said "Where am I".  I realized that I can't be in the USA, could I be.  A country that helps in so many other disasters.  Surely can't we help are own countrymen.  Or when I said "Where am I",  I realized that this was where I was supposed to be at this moment in time.  

On the last day at the airport going home once again I got lost in the airport cause I couldn't find the rental place.  And again I said "Where am I".  Well, I guess it has been tradition for team Hope in prior years to give plate awards and guess what award I got?  Yep You guessed it I got the "Where Am I" award.  Till this day sometimes I really don't know where I am.  But I guess thats a good thing!  At any rate whenever I say the words "Where Am I" it brings me back to that moment of time when I was the most uncomfortable and the most vulnerable and very humbled.

Living Beyond the Irreducible Minimum

My Dog Cooper is a yellow Lab. He's about 3 years old now, coming into his own. Still learning and very playful but also has a lazy streak in him.   Not what I expect.  My family is a very active,hyper family.  So I was expecting a very active, hyper dog to fit in.  So when looking into this breed.  Here is what I wanted.

Labrador Retrievers, originally from Newfoundland, were initially used in work alongside fisherman, helping to pull in nets and catch fish that escaped from fishing lines. After being crossed with Setters, Spaniels and other Retrievers, the Labrador Retriever honed its skills as a true retriever. From this point in the breed’s history, "Labs," as they are affectionately called, were bred primarily to perform as an efficient retriever of game, with a stable temperament suitable for a variety of activities beyond hunting.

 An ideal sporting and family dog, the Labrador Retriever thrives as part of an active family or as a trusted hunting companion. A double-coated breed which sheds seasonally, regular grooming keeps his coat at its water-resistant best. Because of his even temperament and trainability millions of Americans own a Labrador Retriever as a pet.

With this being said I love my dog but he is not your typical definition of a Yellow Lab.  And the picture above is an example of that.  We went to the doggie park to run!!!!  Did you hear me to RUN!  And after running a bit.  He lays down in the middle of the field.  Like he wants to take a nap.  I am just not feeling this at all.  So I throw the ball and he just stares.

So Lori, what is your point.  He (my dog) has accepted the Irreducible Minimum.  The bare minimum, he ran briefly, he fetched the ball twice and he was done.  He was not concerned about being the best dog in doggieville.  He was just okay with being below average.  Not being exceptional, just existing.  And for us we sometimes do life this way.  Accepting the bare minimum.  As CS Lewis puts it "we are far to easily pleased".   You see, Cooper was easily pleased, according to his minute doggie brain he measured up, and now it was time to take a nap.  Blahh Blahh Blahh.

Well I want more, in life, more from life, more from my dog, more from everything I do.  I want to be exceptional.  I want to make a difference, not settle for second best, Especially not in doggieville. So it's to the park everyday until he gets it right.  And as you see below, I think he's got it!

Boy of Destiny

     It has once been said that "A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it" 

       My son Corey always refers himself has the "Boy of Destiny".  And all of us adult like people get a big kick out of this statement.  He especially says this after he has a lesson with his cello teacher.  He is like on fire to play.  And tells me about his dreams.  I love it!  

On another note Corey loves to draw too and is an excellent artist for his age.  He has mountains of mountains of sketchbooks full of masterpieces.  

    So as I ponder his gifts and talents.  He is a gifted musician he can play cello and percussion instruments.  He is also a gifted artist.  So I wander what will he be a "Boy of Destiny" in.

I came across the quote above in a book that quoted that quote and I wonder will it be ART or Music?  If I take the quote literally since Corey always takes the road to avoid practicing Cello, will it be that?  And all of us really do know how much we really love  to practice our instruments at times.  Or will he be the aspiring artist studying abroad and eventually becoming a part of the avant garde of Artists?  Who knows but I have found destiny in all the unlikely roads that I have traveled on.  

One Question???????

Hi, you know I'm stretching it and totally having writers block with this blog post.  But I had to do it.  I just want to know one thing.  Where have all the socks gone?

Now here is the thing, I know I am not the only person with this problem.  But I am coming forward and finally admitting it.  This is a picture of all my entire families unmatched socks.  This is disturbing!  Is there a support group for this?  Do I need PROZAC?  Am I just plain old nuts.  WHERE DID THEY GO?   Inquiring minds such as I would like to know????  

Okay, so you say Lori, unmatched socks are a part of life.  Who would even write about it?  I say tell me why?   Why is it when I put matching socks in the washer and then to the dryer I sometimes end up with one?  Why is it that when I go into the rooms to search high and low for the unmatched socks they are no where to be found?  

Some more thoughts and other people suggestions.  One, some people believe that the washer or dryer has ate them.  MYTH!

Some people believe that they are still somewhere in the house hiding.  MYTH!  Others like myself, believe there is a sock conspiracy going on.  What do you believe?  

Do you remember the song by the Kingston Trio in the sixties, called where have all the Flowers gone?

Well here is my version of Where have all the Socks Gone!  Yes I know I am mad crazy!

Where have all the socks gone?
Long time passing
Where have all socks gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the socks gone?
Not Covered with flowers Im sure!
When will we ever learn?
When will we ever learn?

Not sure if we will every learn 

where they have gone,

but I do know one thing, they are not 

covered with 

flowers somewhere!  And they are 

gone for sure!

Our church is now planning it's New Orleans Trip.

New Orleans is on my mind a lot now.  I'm sad that 

I will not be able to go this year.  But the doors are closed.  

Amazingly this is one of the houses in New Orleans.  

As I look at the graffiti, I am wondering if Love is a constant abiding characteristic in my Life?

More importantly is it ruling in my life because of Jesus Christ?

This will be my reflection of the day. 

May it be yours as well!!!!!

Sunday Concert, February 7th, 2010

Corey performing with Norwalk Youth Symphony Prelude.

It was a lovely Sunday afternoon. Corey

did awesome

This is the whole prelude performing. How professional!

Perfect fingering and look at that concentration.

There are people in life that are like Humpty Dumpty. He was sitting on the wall and he had a fall.

In life we all fall hoping that some how we can pick up the pieces and put us back together again.

I get those phone calls daily, I got one today. Hello Lori, I was on the wall Im falling, I fell, Im broken, Im shattered. My life is a mess, Splat, Splat, Splat.

And you see all the kings horses and all the kings men could not put Humpty together again. Either can I .

Rain, Rain, Go Away

Come again some other day!

STRANGE ENCOUNTER MAYBE!

Okay, I woke up today and I really was excited because it was dark and bleak outside. So I did all the work in the morning and decided before I went to pick up Corey from school I would mail a letter at the post office. So as I headed out, I realized my earpiece wasn't working so I'm on a phone at a light. It's pouring rain and real windy and all of sudden this old lady came knocking at my car window. And I ignored her and the light turned green and I went forward. And then 5 seconds later I ended my call. And I felt this prompting from the Holy Spirit that I needed to give her a ride. So I made a u-turn and went back to pick her up.

Now I know this is a dangerous thing but I did it anyway. Sized her up if I could take her out of commission if I had to. I do know some karate and self defense moves. And then I deemed it was meant to be.

So stopped the car and called to her do you need a ride. And she smiled and said, "Oh, Yes Please". I asked her where to and she said to the Post office. And I laughed inside myself cause that is exactly where I was going. I told her to get in and she proceeded to tell me that the bus took off and her umbrella blew away. She was soaked and I was very happy that I decided to help her.

After I dropped her off and mailed my letters, I went to get a hazelnut coffee and I was very proud of myself that I helped someone who needed it. I was convicted by the times that I didn't stop to pick someone up. That I didn't turn around. The bottom line is that I can no longer ignore those promptings.

I feel I listened to the calling and practiced a scripture that I read and heard a week ago. In Matthew 25:45, Jesus says, 'I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me.'

"...Sing and make music in your heart

to the Lord, always giving thanks to God

the Father for everything in the name of

our Lord, Jesus Christ."

Ephesians 5:19-20

Some thoughts and ramblings, I don’t know when it happened. Perhaps I think it all began when I was an 8 grader singing folk songs during a Roman Catholic Mass. Perhaps it was when I was doing Choir under Steven or Leon, (prior worship leaders at HOPE) But I really can’t pinpoint when it all began but I do know that something began to change under the leadership, direction of the director now. The challenges that I faced and how my life has been transformed by worship. Essentially this is what I learned about worship from behind the Mic in our church and it has changed my life.

I am serious about my walk with the Lord and I feel that I am the most serious person behind the mic sometimes and have been known at times to cry during songs. The Holy Spirit really convicts me of so much during practices and on Sunday. Most of my life I have been a word person. So for me it is the words and the musical arrangements that do it for me. I totally get lost in the words and music that I often ask myself. Do I believe what I’m singing? Have I lived that out today? Is it really all about you Lord!

The most important thing I have learned about worship from behind the mic is…It’s not about me. Worship is about the Lord of all creation. It’s not about me or trying to draw attention to myself or how loud I can sing or how soft or if I smile enough or raise my hands enough, but how I can give more, how I can become less, and how I can let God become more. When I allow the Spirit to work through me, I use the gift He has given me to bring Him Glory. I can therefore take no credit for what He does through me. I become an instrument of His will. Paul did that and talked about it in Romans. He said he was a bondservant or slave of God. The servant, slave thing I just realized this past week. He gave everything to Jesus, even his will. Wow

This mind set and some of these thoughts have changed how I worship. I now want and seek a deeper more meaningful worship experience but mostly because I want an even deeper, intimate relationship with God. It starts by not so much seeking to be filled, but seeking His presence. One thing I try to do when I come to practice is leave any wants or worries, the stressful events of life at the door. And believe me I have had some trials and tests and disappointments over the years. Especially in 2007, and worship team and brotherhood and sisterhood of our team members got me through it. The fellowship was so deep and the support was so great. I made a conscience effort to walk into church with the single focused desire to please God with my Worship. I focus my thoughts on loving the Lord, singing or praising Him, to give God my full and undivided attention. I want to love Him more seek Him more, desire Him more. 2007 some verses that were so prevalent to me was Habakkuk 3:16-20ish. I am so blessed by this.

Other times, there are times when I worship and I don’t “feel” it. But this feeling thing sometimes I struggle with because I’m expecting something all the time. I don’t want to expect I just want to praise Him and have no expectations. I am so overwhelmed on How “Great is Lord” during our time of worship. When I go in with no expectations it seems like I experience God BETTER.

There is so much else I could say but I know for myself that when I turn my attention to Him and seek His face, and worship and love him, my experience with God is much deeper. I believe that I should look to my relationship with God to fill me, not just in church outside of the church with regards to worship experience. When I rely on the worship team to fill me, or the message to move me, or singing a song or whatever, I can pretty much guess that eventually disappointments will come. How about this, maybe too many of these echoes in our lives as worship team members. . I just know when focus on seeking God’s face, his presence only, there is no expectation.

One other thought is that my experience at church with my fellow believers in Worship team with your encouragement has allowed me to take my Christianity further in my life. Everything I do becomes worship, how I work, how I walk, how I breathe….if I am focused on pleasing God, it all becomes worship. Still working on that though, I get easily distracted…but again, God’s not through with me yet.

So recently, this summer I have fond memories of my contemplating the whole issue of church and worship and I why I go to church and why I worship God. And I discovered that my True worship is not confined to singing in church or open praise (although these things are both good and we are told to do them in the Bible), but it is the heartfelt acknowledgment of God and all His power and glory in everything I do. To truly worship God, we must know Him and not be ignorant of His good and glorious nature (Acts 17:23). In a nutshell, I have discovered that worship is to glorify and exalt God; to show our loyalty and admiration to our Heavenly Father! And Loyalty and admiration to God is really what it’s all about. This week I discovered also the more I anticipate Him that God anticipates me anticipating Him. More than anything we can ever imagine. He is so faithful and active in my life. I once had the opportunity of teaching a Womens Sunday School Class at Hope and one time I did a study with the women on Worship. And I used a book by Dr. David Jeremiah. And he defined worship of giving Worth back to God. In my worship I want to give Him worth back to God.

I’m not sure why I am rambling on about all this but I am sure about one thing, I am very passionate and sincere about worshiping God.

I wanted to start 2010 off with this Blessing for year for both my readers and myself. This is not my creative Idea, 3 of my friends over the past years have posted this in their blogs. May you be blessed by these words.


A Four-Fold Franciscan Blessing

May God bless you with a restless discomfort about easy answers, half-truths and superficial relationships, so that you may seek truth boldly and love deep within your heart.

May God bless you with holy anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may tirelessly work for justice, freedom, and peace among all people.

May God bless you with the gift of tears to shed with those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, or the loss of all that they cherish, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and transform their pain into joy.

May God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you really CAN make a difference in this world, so that you are able, with God’s grace, to do what others claim cannot be done.

And the blessing of God, the Supreme Majesty and our Creator, Jesus Christ the Incarnate Word who is our brother and Savior, and the Holy Spirit, our Advocate and Guide, be with you and remain with you, this day and forevermore.

From Durham North Carolina

So this is my last blog entry of 2009, writing it from the Hilton in Durham. We arrived I don't even know because I am in the midst of the stomach bug. Spent the whole day in (no need to describe it) But here are some thoughts as I close this year.
1. I made the world a better place by participating in acts of kindness.
2. I loved and served God with all my heart and soul and mind when I was in focus with the least distractions. Was I perfect, heck no, but my heart was there.
3. I influenced others for the positive.
4. Spoke less,Listened more
5. Blogged more than ever this year, journaled less.
6. Had major quality time with my family and good friends. Love them all.
7. Mended any fences that I needed to and still have a few more.
8. Gave my Husband 100% and my Husband gave me 100%
9. Read some crazy, some good, and some thought provoking books.
10 And my favorite and only dog Cooper was loyal to me. He loves me unconditionally. At least I think.
11. I went into Christmas 2009 with great expectations of something magical happening and guess what, nothing magical happened. But what did happen was the realization for me of God's power in sending Christ to live among us. Yes I know the story, backwards, frontwards and sideways. But I never meditated and realized the power. Totally Awesome.

12 The End
Not really, God has been tugging away at my heart, changing me. I think differently now. I can't imagine doing life any other way even sitting here being sick now, without God. I can't get by one single minute, second without HIM.
As I rode up in the elevator earlier today, to rush to my room to get this bug out of system. I tearfully wept to my husband, "It's going to be a Charlie Brown New Year" And then we looked each other and laughed. And then Bill said, It's going to be alright. And I'm sure it will be. Blessings to all who read this and a very Happy New Year but hopefully you make 2010 about your relationship with God.

Caroling

My favorite time of the Christmas season is being able to sing the familiar Christmas songs that we hear imediately after Thanksgiving. So a bunch of us went around my neighborhood and sang those songs tonight.

So we went to about 10 houses on very cold night and we sang. We made merry. We even put smiles on the neighbors. Oh and my little ones Robert and Corey came and it was such a family thing to do and it put me in the Christmas Spirit.

This night brought me back to when I was in my teens going caroling with my friends. We went to so many homes and sang melodies and harmonies and laughed and had so much joy. One time we went on a back of truck and we were singing.

So if nothing else happens this Christmas Season at least I went caroling. And least I did something for mankind. Oh Come Let Us Adore HIM!!!!!

This is my favorite Lifehouse songs, it is on my blogpage in my video bar. Its the 1st one. But just this month some lines have become very real to me. I hope they spur you on if your reading this. One thing I want a point out, this is so me with my God right now. Oh He walks me through stuff. So here is some lines that have lingered on in my life and echo loudly now.

One line "Im desperate for changing
starving for the truth." Oh Lord
I am so surrendering to the changes you
want in me.
I am "Starving for truth" I seek you everyday for truth and
you always give just enough I can handle. Thank you for that. Another line I love is "I'm closer to the where I started" In this fantastic healing journey that I have taken on I am closer to the truth. But in this journey, "I'm chasing after you", and "I am falling even more in love with you" Thank you. Again along with truth, you put your arms around me and help me embrace it thank you. Another line is
"Completely Incomplete" Oh how true that is, complete me Lord even more than I am now. Cause sometimes I feel Incomplete. Like there is a piece of me hanging on so I can't see what you want me to.
And one line that I am completely doing and continuing to do is
"Letting go of all I hung onto" Everyday I'm letting go realizing that it doesn't help to hold on to things. And for whatever reasons that I have held on to things let go has been so Freeing and so Exhilerating. And I am hanging on this Moment. Thank you Lord. And so my questions is
What are you hanging on to?
And Lori, what am I still hanging on to?
And listen to the Song and the lyrics and what needs changing?

Hanging By A Moment lyrics

I'm desperate for changing

Starving for truth

I'm closer to where I started

I'm chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you

Letting go of all I've held onto

I'm standing here until you make me move

I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Forgetting all I'm lacking

Completely incomplete

I'll take your invitation

You take all of me now

I'm falling even more in love with you

Letting go of all I've held onto

I'm standing here until you make me move

I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm living for the only thing I know

I'm running and not quite sure where to go

And I don't know what I'm diving into

Just hanging by a moment here with you

There's nothing else to lose

There's nothing else to find

There's nothing in the world

That can change my mind

There is nothing else

There is nothing else

There is nothing else

I'm desperate for changing

I'm starving for truth

I'm closer to where I started

Chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you

Letting go of all I've held onto

I'm standing here until you make me move

I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm living for the only thing I know

I'm running and not quite sure where to go

And I don't know what I'm diving into

Just hanging by a moment here with you

Just hanging by a moment

Hanging by a moment

Hanging by a moment

Hanging by a moment here with you

Thankful on Thanksgiving

PSALM 134

1 Behold, bless the LORD, all (servants of the LORD,

Who serve by night in the house of the LORD!

2 Lift up your hands to the sanctuary And bless the LORD.

3May the LORD bless you from Zion,

He who made heaven and earth.

All I can say as this day has approached I have been blessed. Blessed in so many ways.

Blessed with family and friends. Blessed with a wonderful pastor and his wife and blessed with a wonderful church. Totally awesome.

I have so many other things to be thankful for. I was thankful that I started out my day singing praises to God. I am thankful that I can sing. I am thankful that my family entertains me with there lovely melodies. I am thankful that we can use music to praise and worship God.

Mostly I'm thankful that I started my day off in the Sanctury praising Him. Oh Lord I blessed you today and you have blessed me today. I get that.

In this Psalm we are called to bless the Lord. And we cannot help but bless Him because He is worthy of our praise. With all He had done for us but mostly for His Grace and Mercy and most importantly His Unfailing Love. Lord I so wanted to bless you today with all my being. I think I did by honoring you this morning. I love you so.

And you continue to bless me in my life and in my spiritual life. Not that the two are separated but contained in one life.

I am most thankful for speaking so clearly to me in this season of life when I need to hear you more.

My question is What are you Thankful for ? REALLY?

I AM WORTH MUCH MORE

Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? Matt. 6:26

I don't know, I've been learning alot about myself lately.

These are my bird friends I met down in Florida. Now before you cast me off as some lunitic who befriends birds on vacation. Just hear me out. This was taken at Universal Studio's. I found it to be strange that as I got closer they didn't fly away. They were pecking away at the morsels of droppings on the ground. Wow, what a concept. I thought. It was like this place was a banquet and not even the big, bad human can chase them away.

But as I look back on this picture as I seem to be looking back on a lot of things lately. I marvel on how much God takes care of these birds. And then I marveled on how much God has taken care of me and has had his hand on past, present and will continue to have His hand on my life into the future.

I am worth so much more than these little birdies. He so loves me! I believe that. I do. But sometimes I get disappointed. And sometimes I feel like He is disapointed in me. But he still loves me.

What I was thinking lately about is the deep trauma's of these birds in their birdie life. I don't know where they came from but who knows, maybe they had a brother or sister or two and as they were flying to this random destination maybe one flew into a window. Or maybe another bird ate the birdies siblings up. Maybe they were nesting somewhere and mom and dad birdie fell out. Maybe they lost there little baby birdies or maybe they are not connected at all. Maybe they are bad birdies. Maybe they really aren't birds at all and I'm just hallucinating. No matter how you look at these two birds they have a story to tell. They have memories. They have had close encounters with death and with trauma. The have encountered hurt in their birdie life. And God cares for them!

My point is we all do. I'm learning about my life, eager to find out why I do the things I do! Why I fly like the birds to some random destinations in my thoughts and in real life. Sometime I am reliving the hurts of my past. Wishing that I can have some of those moments back. Wishing I could have made different choices. Wishing I really knew who I was and getting over where I came from. And looking forward to discovering it. Maybe, Maybe it will be on day on a random day when my life and the birdies life will intersect again. And it probably won't even be the same Birdies. But it will be the same me secretly hoping it will be the real me! Back again and vibrant, embracing life the way it should be embraced.

November 22,2009

Today was Corey debut in the Norwalk
Youth Symphony in the Prelude Orchestra!
Just Amazing. I am so proud of him. He
dressed all up. He was so cute. Then we
had and amazing Pasta dinner cooked by
Chef Bill. Thank you Lord, for an amazing
day.

Do I dare!
I dare ask!
Serious questions!
Of the past!
Why!
Disappointed sometimes with the ONE I Trust!
Why!

Not really sure Why is what I want to know!
But maybe just how come?
Or where were you?

I want to know why
Bad things do happen?
But somewhere in time
It does and it comes with
No answers
No explanations


On the other hand
Please do tell me
Why all the sickness
And why the hurt
Why all the pain!

Finding Duncan!!!!!

In the midst of celebration in the friendship circle

for the last time this year, finding

Duncan was easy. Ah you say this is no brainer just find the line of Alto Saxes. Easier said than done. But this time I had no probem. I found him can you.

Finding Duncan, was my passion all band season. Weaving in out of lines and up and down hash marks and stepping over the 50 yard line Finding Duncan brought joy! Ah, there he is I would say to myself. Just amazing. I was one of those proud parents in the Green wave.

Finding Duncan in the Norwalk High Marching Band show became not only my passion but my hobby for the last 4 months. It was easy when he was not in uniform. But put on the Norwalk High green and he looked like every other marching band member.

Finding Duncan in the midst of the Pride INTENsified. Just Amazing. But there is nothing like Finding Duncan in the famed Celebratory Circle, aka Friendship Circle. And yes for the last time this year I was proud to find you. Winners of the Mac Championship, the best in the Tri-State. Congrats Robert, I found you! Finding Duncan, Yes a WINNER!!!!!!!